


Bilbo's Fortunate Accident

by Hyperballad



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Awkwardness, Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield - Freeform, Clumsy Hobbit, Hot Dwarves, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 06:39:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/884118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyperballad/pseuds/Hyperballad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin Oakenshield and his company of Dwarves are still out on their quest for Erebor along with Bilbo Baggins the Hobbit and they become familiar with each others habits as the days pass but Bilbo's discomfort with Thorin and his nephews caused an incident that drew Bilbo and Thorin close, albeit in a painful manner, right smack into his...unmentionables ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bilbo's Fortunate Accident

**Author's Note:**

> For me, It has always been quite a challenge, to write a fictional work and not have something go awry or something mortifying but I guess if you tread on uncertain waters, you have to prepare yourself for such occurrences . I'm new to this online thing, I'm not too good or even brilliant. I'm scatterbrained and clumsy but I just want to write. So I will go on with my uncertain and awkward way with this one. Let me bring the topic at hand that I have a dilemma with (referring to current and previous works): If I write about fiction set in some old world setting, perhaps historical, Victorian or otherworldly, like middle earth...I can't very well use the word 'cock' or pecker as part of the vernacular. Penis, Phallus and genitals sounds too clinical (genitals might slide for me, I guess). I decided to use in my writing such terms like member (as in 'male member'), manhood or simply...sex. 
> 
> I know when I write these words myself I can't help but feel a wry smile forming over my own lips because It sounds more like a 'bodice ripper' (I read only one, It was called Castle of Dreams. I really enjoyed it! I happen to think they are good but not many people appreciate them and think them sort of too...florid or over-the-top ) and I am beset with this need to go about describing the nasty bit involved during sexual encounters between my pairings. So if anyone has a much more better way of describing such 'parts', please...share a better description for it. I would appreciate something that is less crass, more 'sophisticated' than how I do describe it. I let the word 'todger' through because it sounded a little bit like an informal, old english term for penis.  
> One other thing, I'm writing this thing to lift my spirits up, I'm feeling kind of down with real life stuff. I want a place where I could enjoy myself. All my writing is meant for naughty, indecent fun and also intended to perhaps make you laugh at some parts or move you in some way, whichever works for you. So have at it and thank you so much for taking the time to read. I don't know you people but I care about moving you in some way. * Thank you, My2BrownEyes and QuillMage, for getting me so curious on this!
> 
> About this current fic:  
> \- sort of referencing Gandalf at the end when he discussed the invention of golf with Bilbo, but he's only mentioned in passing in my story  
> \- if my work seems similar to another work, I didn't intend for it to, this fic just popped out of nowhere for me as an outlet for my annoying angsties

The company of dwarves stopped to rest in this quiet glade, nestled between sharp peaks that pointed it’s craggy head upon a darkening sky. Among them was the hobbit, Bilbo Baggins. Bilbo joined them to be the fourteenth member on this quest for Erebor. He was to be their ‘burglar’ to reclaim Erebor and their gold from the dragon, Smaug. Bilbo felt aloof and still unaccepted in this group even though the dwarves had made every effort to make him feel welcome, all except Thorin Oakenshield. They are setting up camp and Bilbo stood close to the passage’s edge, watching the shadowed forest in the distance.

“Halfling, set up your tent with the rest, it will be dark soon,” Thorin said from behind him. Bilbo looked up and he could see the other glaring down at him. Bilbo hesitantly went over to his bag and began to unpack.

“Kili, Fili! Take care of the ponies!”

“Oin, Gloin prepare the fire!”

“Bombur! Prepare dinner!”

“Bofur, you’ll be the watchman for the night!”

Thorin shouted out commands as he walked along the camp, making sure everyone was setting up their bedrolls and following his orders. Bilbo was, for the meantime ignored. He wondered where Gandalf set off to, because it seems he had an argument with Thorin again and had left camp in an angry state. After Bilbo set up his tent, he ventured close to the forest once more and slipped off unnoticed as he walked into the woods. Now Bilbo would never have dared to go into the forest on his own if the matter had not been pressing. He wanted to pass water in private.

He had a rather embarrassing incident with Kili and Fili when he got up one night to go and urinate amongst some tall boulders. He did not know that Kili and Fili followed him from behind. He was minding his business, letting out a sigh of relief as he jumped on the balls of his feet, feeling giddy as he shook off the last drops. He suddenly felt a presence at his back and to his shock, Kili and Fili were standing close to his back and they were both looking down at his manhood, seemingly curious over it. Bilbo shoved his member back in and hastily fastened his pants together, his hands were shaking and at the same time his cheeks were aflame.

“What are you two oafs doing? Can I not have a moment of privacy here?” Bilbo said indignantly and then he began to walk away from them, his gait awkward.

Kili and Fili snickered behind their palms, amused that they made Bilbo feel flustered. Fili spoke condescendingly.

“We are so sorry, Master Bilbo! We were intending to pass water ourselves but we saw you and we decided to know if Hobbit todgers are the same as Dwarf todgers-”

Bilbo stopped and stared at the both of them, exasperated by the lack of manners and propriety in dwarves. From the very beginning, he thought them to be ill-mannered brutes and his opinion of them will never change. Bilbo huffed out a breath, straightening his vest and stomping off. Kili suddenly said something out loud, enough so that the hobbit would hear it. That made Bilbo freeze in his tracks.

“‘T’was as dainty as an acorn, Fili-”

“More like a thimble really, Kili-”

Kili and Fili were looking at each other, unable to contain themselves and then they burst out laughing. Loud, cackling laughter issued forth from them as they slapped at each other’s shoulders, amused by their own wit. Bilbo made a face and stormed off, not bothering to make a response. It would be several days before he decided to speak to them again after that incident-

-which caused Bilbo to make every effort to answer the ‘call of nature’ in private as much as he can. Bilbo found a suitable hidden niche where he could have his privacy; he was quite some distance from the camp now. He took out his manhood and began his business. He let out a breath of relief when he was done, as always, he shook himself a bit as giddiness came over him. He suddenly started in shock. There was a crashing sound and then a long, guttural growl came forth from Bilbo’s left. He froze there, paralyzed by his fear. He did not even bother to tuck his member back in his pants; he was not able to make the time to do so. His eyes were wide as he tried to make out the form that was moving towards him with sure, unhurried steps.

A slice of moonlight fell upon the advancing beast and Bilbo realized it was a lone warg, a deformed lupine creature. It was part of the orc pack that had been chasing them for some time now. Bilbo let out a short cry and automatically ran back towards the camp, his exposed member swaying between his legs. He jumped and ran over low boulders and fallen trees lithely, glad that his hobbit heritage made him quite quick on his feet. And then he jumped nimbly over another fallen tree trunk and before he could brace his fall, his lower body fell upon a strange thorny-spiny bush that Bilbo had never seen the likes of before.

He let out a rusty scream of pain, his unclothed sex taking the brunt of the damage. Bilbo pulled back from the bush, gasping. He was rooted there for a moment, unable to move and then he heard the warg’s slavering approach. Its low growls making his blood run cold. Bilbo ran on, hobbling and wincing in pain, the beast gaining on him. The warg let out a triumphant howl of cry as it came even closer, its jaws opening to claim its prize but before it could do so, a loud cry resounded forth and Thorin jumped on top of the warg, driving his sword, Orcrist, deep into the foul beast’s head. It died instantly, falling just inches close to Bilbo’s feet. Bilbo collapsed to the ground, losing consciousness.

When he came to, he was in Thorin’s arms, who was carrying him back to the camp. Thorin noticed he was awake and glowered down at him.

“What were you thinking? Going deep into the woods without company? Do you wish to die so easily, halfling?” He scolded Bilbo, his face set angrily.  
Bilbo blushed, looking away from Thorin’s face. He felt very uncomfortable to be in the dwarf-prince’s arms.

“If your nephews weren’t invading my privacy when I pass water, I would not have gone off by myself-”

Then Bilbo remembered what had happened to himself earlier and he shifted in Thorin’s arms in alarm to look at the state of his member in the moonlight. It was still hanging out of his pants and it was covered in numerous translucent, spiny thorns that looked like pins. It was bleeding in places but it did not look like it will disfigure him although the pain was horrendous (now that his senses are coming alive and he had a view of it). Bilbo made choking sounds in his throat and he looked up at Thorin in agony.

“W-What am I to do with this? Will it poison me somehow?” He asked in a hitching, worried voice.

Thorin, although he had been stern and unfriendly towards Bilbo all this time suddenly looked at him with kind eyes. He traversed the forest carefully so as not to jostle Bilbo around too much. He felt sorry for the halfling.

“No, it will not poison you, but it does leave a painful sting. I have medicine in my tent. I’ll help you take all of the spines off-”

Bilbo was deeply embarrassed but he could do nothing. His face was still very red as he closed his legs together gently, the sight of his hurt manhood made him feel ill. He clutched at Thorin’s shoulder tightly as he held onto him.

“P-Please, don’t let the other dwarves know what happened to me! I cannot suffer another humiliation-”

Thorin snorted at that.

“Bilbo, I would not humiliate someone unnecessarily. I am above such things. I understand how you feel so worry not. I will take care of everything-”

“Thank you,” Bilbo said quietly as he closed his eyes again.

 Thorin crept back quietly into the camp, the other dwarves were already eating their stew before a large fire, laughing and bantering with each other as always. Kili, being the one with the sharpest eyes saw his uncle carrying the hobbit in his arms towards his own tent. It was a curious sight indeed. He tugged at Fili’s arm, ignoring the joke that Bofur was making at Bombur’s expense.

“Brother, look! Uncle is carrying the halfling into his tent and he has him in his arms!” Kili hissed into his brother’s ear.

“What?”

“Look!”

Fili only saw a fleeting glance but he saw enough. He saw Bilbo’s face pressed into his uncle’s throat. This was something highly suspicious. They hurriedly ate their stew, making an excuse that they had to get back to the ponies and rushed off to come close to Thorin’s tent, which was set away from the other tents. Kili and Fili hid among the low boulders, listening in on what is happening inside the tent.

“Bilbo, I have to take off your pants so we can do this-” Thorin said in a low voice as he set his hands close to the edge of Bilbo’s pants. Bilbo was lying back in Thorin’s bed, trying to control the cries of pain that wanted to escape his throat.

“Yes, take it off-” Bilbo said tightly, breathing harshly through his nose, his eyes shut tight.

There was a rustle of fabric as Thorin drew Bilbo’s pants down and then he brought up a pair of wooden tweezers in his hand.

“I will not lie to you, Bilbo. This will hurt. Try to control yourself if you can and if it hurts too much, tell me and I will stop-”

Bilbo could barely speak due to the pain but he croaked out a reply. ”Yes go on, Thorin-”

Outside, Both Kili and Fili clearly heard the exchange and they looked at each other with wide, disbelieving eyes, making muted sounds of shock as they clutched at each other’s shoulders.

“Uncle and the hobbit are doing something nasty!” Fili whispered in a thrilled voice as he sat back, putting both his hands over his mouth.

Kili stifled a bout of giggling; he clearly understood what was happening here. His Uncle Thorin and Bilbo are about to do something quite indecent in the tent. Kili wanted to come even closer to peek in and see but he was too afraid of Thorin to do so. Bilbo cried out in pain, moaning incoherently at first and they heard the gentle murmurings from Thorin.

“Do you want me to stop, Bilbo?” Thorin asked softly.

“No, don’t stop! Please go on-” Bilbo said in a wincing, pained voice.

“Alright here it is, are you ready?”

“Yes!”

Thorin made a low, grunting sound and Bilbo cried out loud again.

“It hurts!” Bilbo wailed out, his voice sounding strained and trembling.

“Compose yourself, Bilbo. Do not tense the muscles of your stomach. When you fight it, it will hurt more. Now, breathe slowly. I am going to take it out-”

Bilbo did as he was told but the pain was still unbearable. He cried out and moaned more loudly as Thorin continued.

 Kili and Fili were both excitedly listening in, their minds filled with the depraved images of what Thorin and Bilbo looked like while having sex. Kili wiped the drool at the side of his mouth as he sat back against the boulders, ears straining for more. Both he and his brother are getting their jollies just hearing the hobbit moan so enthusiastically. Their uncle must really be that ‘good’.

“What are you two doing there?” Ori suddenly chimed in as he stepped closer to them. Fili glared at Ori and grabbed him close to their crouching position.

“Shut up, Ori! Or Uncle will hear us!” Kili said sibilantly and pushed Ori down to sit with them. Ori could hear Bilbo’s long, erotic moaning as Thorin mumbled and made grunting sounds in the tent with him.

“Oh! Oh! What could they be doing in there?” Ori said a little more loudly that Fili hit the side of his head hard.

“Be quiet!” Fili hissed.

Ori obeyed and grew silent, listening in with them, smiling lewdly at those sounds.

 “Thorin, stop! Stop a moment! I can’t take it anymore!” Bilbo cried out and put a trembling hand to his mouth. He was weeping, tears flowing down his cheeks.

“Does it hurt that badly, Bilbo?” Thorin asked softly. Thorin gazed down and saw that there was just several more spines left.

Bilbo was gasping, trying to ready himself as he lay in bed, his head pushed deep into Thorin’s pillow. Sweat stood out on his forehead as he turned to look down at the progress they were making. Just a little more and this horror will be over. He met Thorin’s eyes, who still looked at him kindly and was not mocking him in his suffering.

“Yes, it hurts Thorin but please go on. Go faster this time. I want this over and done with-”

“Alright if that is what you wish,” Thorin drew in a shaky breath and went on tugging the spines faster. Bilbo made more of those long, drawn-out moans as he closed his eyes and endured the pain.

 Now more dwarves have joined the ranks of those listening in. Bofur and Bombur,Dori and Nori, Dwalin and Balin until everyone in camp surrounded Thorin’s tent from close by, listening intently for every last sound. Bilbo was making gasping moans, sounding as if he was aroused by what Thorin was doing to him. The dwarves were all entertained by the dirty fantasies those moans were causing them to think.

Ori was enthusiastically clamping his hands together as he smiled, engrossed by the sexual sounds that both Bilbo and Thorin were making. Oh, how that hobbit can moan! Thorin must really be ‘giving it’ to him. Bofur even carried his bowl of stew as he sat close to Ori, returning the lewd smile that Ori gave him.

“Have we got any chips?” Ori said out loud to Bofur.

"No, lad! We don't!" Bofur said with mild indignation and rolled his eyes at Ori.

Fili wanted to strangle Ori, he bopped the side of Ori’s head again by throwing an empty bowl of stew at it that someone had left close by him. It made a bonking sound when it hit his head but the bowl fell to the grass silently.

“Shhh! Shut up I say!” Fili growled at him in a low voice. The other dwarves also glowered at Ori and Ori sat back, smiling sheepishly at everyone, his face scarlet. The sexual sounds within Thorin's tent grew even more frantic as Bilbo moaned for Thorin.

 “Faster Thorin! Faster!” Bilbo gasped as he stared down at Thorin plucking the spines on his manhood. It was almost done. [The dwarves are getting even more excited outside, quietly congratulating Thorin on his conquest]

“Bilbo?” Thorin queried, looking at Bilbo worriedly.

“Take it! Take it all! Please!” Bilbo moaned petulantly, bracing himself against the sting. Thorin was right. The stinging grew worse after the spines are pulled out, making him want to hurry the process of the removal.

Thorin did as he was told and he was plucking more of them all together until there was none left. Bilbo let out one last shuddery cry of pain and then he let out a sigh of relief, slumping back into Thorin’s pillow, closing his eyes for a moment. He was breathless, the sweat pouring from him as he tried to recover. He opened his eyes and his gaze fell to Thorin who was quietly rummaging through his pack and he brought forth a bottle of salve.

“This will help, Bilbo. But I will have to use my hand on your manhood. Would you be alright with this?”

Bilbo’s face reddened with a deep blush again at the thought of Thorin’s hand on his sex. He was still too squeamish and too weak to touch his tender sex after the pain. He understood Thorin had to put the medicine on to make him feel better.

“Y-Yes-”

“I promise this will feel good-”

 The other dwarves listening in grew even more hushed as they waited for what will happen next, faces set in indecent anticipation. Their eyes glittering in the dark. Ori put a hand to his own manhood, trying to stifle the need to urinate so he can hear more, not wanting to leave until it was over.

Bilbo did not feel anything at first, his sex is still stinging from all of those spines, albeit only fleetingly now. Thorin was rubbing the salve in looking at Bilbo expectantly. After the promise, the proof. He felt a cooling sensation spreading over the skin of his sex and going deep into the flesh. Bilbo let out a cry of ecstasy, the pain finally giving in to a blissful relief.

“Oh Yes! Yes! Yes!” Bilbo crooned as he turned his head to the side, Thorin went on slathering the salve in and then Bilbo let out a breathy sigh after a few moments. The pain was completely gone. That salve was a godsend.

“That feels so good!” Bilbo cried out happily. Thorin smiled down at him and then he took his hand away from Bilbo’s sex. He pulled a blanket up to cover Bilbo’s naked lower half.

“You can sleep here, if you want. You don’t have to leave yet-”

Bilbo looked up at him gratefully and then he asked something odd from Thorin. His face now played with a soft blush as he shyly queried:

“Do you think my, um...todger is too small?”

Thorin, who never was one to laugh so easily, broke out in a short bark of laughter.

“Master Bilbo, I think you are endowed well enough. Whatever they said of your manhood, don’t think of it-”

Bilbo made a small sound of relief and rolled onto his side to finally get some rest. Thorin prepared to go out of the tent to wash his hands and quick as a wink, the dwarves skedaddled off, scattering all over the campsite. After a few hours, Thorin stirred Bilbo awake so that they may eat some of the remaining stew that Bofur had put aside for them. Thorin slept next to him after and when Bilbo woke up in the morning, his head was pressed into Thorin’s shoulder, his arm slung around the dwarf’s broad chest. Bilbo pulled back nervously and slowly unglued himself from him. Thorin still remained asleep. Bilbo moved about quietly and gathered his clothing. He looked at his manhood, glad that there was no more pain and he tied the string of his pants back together.

He stepped out of Thorin’s tent, lifting his arms over his head, stretching. And then he stared out with wide eyes as Kili and Fili sat close by on a boulder looking at him oddly, like they knew some sort of secret. He realized in horror that he emerged from Thorin’s own tent, not his own and that the other dwarves saw him. Bilbo awkwardly tried to ignore Kili and Fili as he walked past them.

“Good morning, Bilbo!” Kili said good-naturedly, his smile quite wide.

“Good Morning,” Bilbo said through his teeth as he hurried.

“‘Morning Bilbo! Did you sleep well?” Fili called out as he was almost some distance from them, the young dwarf was also leering at him for some reason.

“Yes, Good Morning! I slept well indeed,” Bilbo said quickly and then he rushed for his own tent. All the other dwarves were smiling at him knowingly as he passed them by. It slowly dawned upon him that he had been moaning in such a way in Thorin’s tent that the other dwarves might have heard him and they are putting some sort of meaning into it.

“Oh, dear!” Bilbo whispered and put a hand to his mouth, his face growing quite red. He hastily gathered his belongings, wanting to almost bolt away from them but then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Are you well, Bilbo?”

It was Thorin, the expression on his face thoughtful and full of concern for Bilbo.

Bilbo pulled back as he stiffly moved about, he could barely look at Thorin, his cheeks glowing red.

“Thorin, everyone heard me...moaning in your tent,”

Thorin just gave him an inquiring look, as if he did not understand what Bilbo meant. Bilbo rolled his eyes in frustration and dropped his pack between his feet.

“They are probably thinking we did something...uh..that is...well, that you and I-” Bilbo stammered, feeling ashamed to say the words.

“Would it help if I explain to the others why you were in my tent last night, Bilbo?” Thorin said quietly.

“No! I don’t want them to know what happened to my-” Bilbo could not finish. It was too embarrassing.

“Well what would you have me say then?” Thorin asked, his tone becoming testy now. Bilbo did not like the tone of his voice and how mortifying everything had become.

“Nothing! Just forget it! Say nothing!” Bilbo said in a huff and started to gather all his belongings and stomped off. Thorin stared after him in mild frustration. Hobbits are odd creatures indeed.

All day long the dwarves were smiling at Bilbo in a jeering way it made him so mad. He almost wanted to tell them what really happened but either way, he would still be shamed. What was the point in telling the truth? And Thorin was stiff with him again, gruffly speaking with him and telling him to keep up with the rest. Bilbo almost wanted to leave them all, just walk away from all of this. He bristled even more as Kili and Fili began taunting him when they stopped to set up camp again for the night. Gandalf had returned but left once more to talk with some scouting elves close by.

“Brother, the joints have grown stiff in my shoulder. Won’t you pull it for me?” Kili asked Fili, all the while smiling slyly.

Fili smiled back indulgently and began to tug at his brother’s arm, pretending to help loosen the stiff ‘joints’.

“Oh, Yes! Yes! yes! That feels so good! Faster Fili, faster!” Kili began to croon out in a mocking imitation of how Bilbo cried out last night. Some of the dwarves started to laugh.

Bilbo’s face was almost as red as an apple, right down to his throat. His expression was twisted angrily. Thorin was sitting close by, ignoring everyone else as he cleaned his sword, waiting with the rest for the meal to be prepared. Bilbo almost wanted to call out for him to do something about his idiotic nephews but he tried to fight the urge. Damn him. He did not need Thorin. He didn’t need anyone. This whole quest was a farce, some sort of joke played upon him by fate to be humiliated repeatedly. Well, if that was the case, he would defy fate and rob it of its stupid joke. He stood up suddenly and marched over to Thorin, who still remained seated, eyes downcast.

Bilbo kneeled quickly before him and grabbed Thorin’s cheeks and kissed him on the lips, the other too surprised to pull away. The dwarves stared in shock at the boldness of the hobbit, to see him openly showing his relationship with Thorin still somehow surprised them as well. Bilbo kept on kissing Thorin, who was flailing weakly and trying to pull back but Bilbo threw his arms around that magnificent neck and held on.

Crickets hummed to break the silence in the camp along with Thorin’s muted moans. When Bilbo pulled away, Thorin was gasping and staring at him strangely.

“Why-” Thorin began but Bilbo pushed him back and kissed him again. Then he broke the kiss again to leer down at Thorin.

“Let’s give them a good show, eh? Why don’t we do it out in the open? We might as well since they heard everything we did on your bedroll-”

Thorin was looking at Bilbo in concern. “Bilbo, no-”

Then Thorin quietly drew him close and whispered in his ear.

“I am sorry if it came to this, Bilbo. Retire to your tent. I will take care of everything, as I should have in the beginning-”

Bilbo stared at him in astonishment that he should speak so gently, when he almost invited Thorin to beat him up and throw him out of the camp for his actions. Bilbo hurriedly stood up and ran for his tent, lying quietly in his bed, his face aflame. He heard Thorin speaking to the others, but his voice was too low for Bilbo to hear, there was some muffled response from the dwarves, especially from Kili and Fili. Then after a short while, Thorin was entering Bilbo’s tent.

“I have spoken to them, Bilbo. They will trouble you no more,”

Bilbo was speechless for a moment, and was growing embarrassed over what he had done.

“Thank you...and Thorin, I want to apologize-”

“No, halfling. No need for that-”

“Alright. What did you tell them?”

“That you and I are lovers and that they should not make fun of you-”

“What?” Bilbo cried out, eyes wide, drawing a mystified look from Thorin.

“I asked you before, what would you have me say? You kissed me right in front of them tonight and as you yourself have indicated, you wanted no one to know that your...manhood had an accident due to the spiny bush you ran into while escaping from a warg...and that I had to pull all the spines out and put medicine on you-”

Bilbo put a hand to his reddening face. “Oh what have I done! I only did that so you would throw me out of camp and send me off-”

“Well don’t you?” Thorin asked.

“Don’t I what?” Bilbo could barely lift his head in his shame.

“Want to be my lover?”

Bilbo’s throat caught on something and he could not give an immediate response. Thorin was looking at him with that same tender gaze again. He reached out and caressed Bilbo’s cheek.

“I do see you, halfling. If you must know, I have grown fond of you as the days have gone by. You have proven me wrong about you time and again. You have such a quality of character worthy of my respect. Loyalty, honor, a willing heart, I can ask no more than that-”

“Thorin-”

Bilbo still felt ashamed over how he had behaved and how he had handled the entire situation but this startling revelation that Thorin actually felt affection for him was a sweet surprise. He acted rashly yet again by getting out of his bedroll and reaching for Thorin’s shoulders and drawing him close to kiss him. Let us just say that this time, the moaning and writhing on that bedroll had a much more pleasurable outcome than when Thorin and Bilbo were last in bed together.

He woke up with a sheet covering the lower half of his naked body and Thorin was sitting at the edge of the bedroll. He was wearing his pants again and his naked back was turned to Bilbo while he was tinkering with something in his hands. Bilbo could not see it clearly yet. Dwarves were naturally good tinkerers. Thorin sensed he was awake and turned to look at him, smiling.

“What are you up to, Thorin?” Bilbo asked as he tried to peer closer to see what Thorin was making. Thorin lifted it up to show it to him.

“I am making something for my nephews, Bilbo. It’s a gift-”

“It’s rather odd looking. What is it supposed to be? What is that black object?”

“You recall that spiny bush that had been the source of your recent misfortune? This black substance coating this wooden ball I have in my hand came from that bush, extracted from it’s roots. We use it to waterproof the underside of our boots. That is the reason why I know what that spiny bush can do-”

“I see,” Bilbo said, but he was still curious as to what the object is, for he could not discern for what purpose it would be used for.

“Is it some sort of toy? It looks quite odd-”

Thorin gave Bilbo a tender smile and then he put aside the object in his pack which he had brought into Bilbo’s tent while he must have been asleep. He drew closer to Bilbo again and gently ran his palm over Bilbo’s fair and smooth-skinned back. He bent down and kissed Bilbo’s shoulder, causing the other to giggle.

“Perhaps it is a form of toy-”

“What do you mean?” Bilbo asked, his blue eyes widening. Thorin just grinned down at him.

The other dwarves did their utmost to stifle their laughter as the group carried on and rode ever so much closer to Erebor on their ponies. Everyone appeared to be in a merry mood, all except for Kili and Fili, who rode quietly upon their ponies and are both looking quite miserable. The source of their silent misery was the odd object that Thorin had forced them to wear as the group continued. Bilbo had laughed so uproariously when he saw them earlier. He rode his pony next to Thorin.

“Um, Thorin? Do you intend to have them wear those things all day long? I pity them somehow but at the same time, it is rather hilarious to see them like this-” Bilbo said, wiping at the tears of amusement in his eyes.

“They will wear my ‘gift’ until it is time to set up camp when we stop for lunch. That will teach them to say vile things about you offhandedly-” Thorin said with finality but he had an amused smirk upon his face as he exchanged a look with Bilbo...who was looking up at him with affection.

Both Kili and Fili, cheeks aflame with humiliation and with brimming tears in their eyes rode their ponies...while biting down on a wooden ball coated with the bitter, rubbery substance from the spiny bush, secured to their faces by leather straps. They have learned their lesson indeed that it was not nice to make fun of the hobbit.

Ori finally could not help himself and he began to laugh out loud when he passed the two brothers by, enjoying the sight of them like this and then the other dwarves joined in on the fun, the forest echoed with their deep laughter as they soldiered on for their quest.

And thus came about the invention of the ball gag.

 


End file.
